I’m back! I know its been awhile since I have blogged, but I am making a commitment to blog at least 2x a week from here forward.   I think like many people who blog, I often wonder what I could possibly have to say that others want to read, but I have been encouraged to write about what I am living and learning, so here it is.

God has revealed so much to me, (its not all fun to hear, but of course all things I need to hear, and the outcome is of course). I know we learn from each other, so I can’t wait to share as He leads. 

So, its summer time, the time of freedom (from schoolwork at least); a time for family , friends and food!  So far this summer has brought a lot of freedom, fun, friends and food (clean eating my friends, but that’s another blog).  We are spending as much time as possible at the lake, the beach and in our pool. From what we have been told, next summer will not bring near as much freedom.  Our youngest will be a rising 9^th grader (EEEK!) and with that brings summer 9^th grade baseball and summer school classes (baseball coach requires this).  So we are enjoying this summer and yes, even excited about next summer and the new adventure.  :)

And though next summer sometimes slips from the back of my mind and into my thoughts, I am learning to live in the moment and trust God where he has us now.

As I looked up from my computer screen just now, I saw John 3:30…”He must increase but I must decrease”. 

That verse is posted on my desk and I see it everyday. It is a continual reminder to trust the Lord, be still and listen to Him and surrender myself and my desire to His will.  Every time I turn around I see those words, I am pretty sure He makes sure I see them, (this girl needs lots of reminding, and He knows it). He also knows my heart, which is to follow Him, so he is teaching me what that looks like, to surrender, be still and to trust.

The blessing I have experienced in the past four months of really living that out have been amazing. Makes me kinda sad for what I have been missing out on I am sure, but makes me excited too about what His glorious plans are ahead.

From my side of the fence, following His ways brings peace, joy and freedom…. And I am loving it!

Xoxo-Cathy

Forgiveness

Sometimes, people you love and that love you, hurt you.  That's a reality of life.  Yet, it is our human nature to protect ourselves from ever being hurt again by holding a grudge against the person who hurt us.  It's not that we want to be bitter, angry people.  It's that we don't want to be hurt.  And by being vulnerable, trusting, . . . forgiving . . . we open ourselves up to further hurt. 

Why am I saying all of that?  It's because I have recently learned a very valuable lesson about bitterness and about forgivenss.

Recently, my family was hurt by someone, a hurt so deep that the bitterness from it consumed me.  Not only that, my bitterness affected my youngest son who had also been hurt.  It's as though my bitterness gave him permission to be bitter as well.

One day, a sweet, precious friend told me that I needed to be on my knees and to ask the Lord to set me free because the bitterenss was consuming me. That afternoon, I got down and begged the Lord to set me free and deliver me from my anger, bitterness, and resentment. The Lord saw my heart and knew I was crying out for His help.  I could not do this without Him.

Then I went downstairs to find my youngest son (who was home from school that day) so we could talk about what God was teaching me.  We talked about my bitterness and also about his bitterness.  We both asked the Lord to forgive us and to set us free from these feelings that were controlling our lives.

As I stand (ok sit) here today, I can tell you that the Lord lifted a weight from both of us that day. We are free from the weight of unforgiveness, and it feels amazing! There is a weight, a heaviness in your spirit that comes from holding a grudge, from being bitter.  I heard it said once that bitterness is like swallowing a poison and waiting for the other person to die.  So true.

I realized that by holding onto my resentment and bitterness towards the person who had hurt my family, my youngest son was following exactly what he saw me doing.  I was bitter and unforgiving, therefore he was bitter and unforgiving. (Great mom award, right? NOT!) The bitterness that was eating me alive was also eating him alive.

So, I am here to tell you, from personal experience, you will be wronged in your lifetime.  Someone is going to hurt you.  And when it happens, and it will happen, you have two choices; forgive or hold onto the hurt and anger.   

But I have learned this; when we hold onto the hurt and anger, it eats us alive, inside and out. It physically hurts our bodies.  And, if that's not enough, it also ages us on the outside too, YIKES!  And with all we, I do to try to stay looking younger,  (ok, I am vain, I admit) why would we age ourselves and live in bitterness and anger?  We lose!

It's good to be free, and forgiven.  And it's a great anti-aging RX!

From my side of the fence, I must constantly realize that Jesus offers me forgiveness every single day, many times a day. How can I do any less?

Adoption

I love the beautiful picture of adoption.  It's incredibly close to my heart because I was adopted.


the month they brought me home

My mom and dad already had a little boy, my older brother, but after his birth, they had 5 miscarriages and stillbirths. My mom was told they would never have another child, so to consider her son a blessing. That led mom and dad down the road to adoption, and to me.

As the story goes, (I have heard it 1000 times and still love hearing it) when my mom and dad got the call,  on October 4th, 19 . . . (let's not disclose the year, haha) , they were told that there was a baby girl they could come look at and see if they were interested in adopting. My dad's response to DFCS was exactly this, "Come look at her? See if she fits our family? That's our baby, and we are on our way to pick her up!" And pick me up they did.

They drove down to the foster agency where a little foster baby was waiting, and they took me home! They had to stop on the way home to get diapers, and food and clothes.  They were completely unprepared to be bringing a baby home, and they had nothing!

my dad and me!

The next day was my oldest brother's 5th birthday party and boy were my aunts, uncles, and grandparents surprised when they arrived for more than just a 5th birthday party! They got to hold the new baby girl (me!).  Mom has told me so many times that I was perfect;  I smiled and didn't cry at all, even with all these new faces! 

The best part of the story to me is this; Mom and Dad later went on to give birth to 2 more children, AFTER they adopted me.  I have 2 younger brothers! I love knowing that God had my parents picked out for me, and that HE knew I wouldn't be the last of their children.  It's so amazing to  me, too, how much I am like my family.  I am tall like my family, same coloring, eyes, etc!! God had it all planned out, He always does!


Adoption is also special to me because of our oldest son, D. I did give birth to D, but was divorced and a single mom by the time he was 18 months old. My amazing parents and brothers stepped right in and helped me raise him. I am blessed!

Then, when D was 3,  I met and eventually married the man of my dreams. And that man adored my son, and adopted him as his own.  And the crazy thing is, that D looks like  Ray (my husband)! He is athletic like him, has the same sense of humor as him, even wears the same size shoe (14!)

From my side of the fence, I love seeing God work in my family. He knew from the start who my parents would be and who my son's parents would be... And even down to shoe size, God made things match.